Existential Reflections
So, it’s been a minute. Life the last couple years has taken me on a ride, knocking me down while lifting me up. From a break up to loss to more loss, to career switch, to brand elevation… to everything else in between. And to be honest, I rarely ever look back and feels a ways. I only ever look back to see how far it is I've come, analyzing the lessons and blessings that I’ve learned and gained. Because everything happens for a reason, and most importantly it happens as it should… as it is meant too. And it is up to us to see why that is, understand what it is that needs understanding, consider what needs consideration; in order to learn what needs learning, or else we are going to keep reliving and not ever evolving.
But with that, I can’t help but wonder how much the causal events in our lives influence who it is we evolve into? Or rather, who we are meant to be? And would we still be who it is we are today if things had gone differently?
You see, the other day I was reminded of NYC fleet week, while re-watching Sex in the City. And it hit me, about 9-10 years I was in NYC for fleet week, interesting enough I don’t know there was such a thing until I saw bunch of sailors roaming the streets. The reason for being there at that time was for my engagement shoot, a shoot that was cancelled due to an engagement that was called off. And being that deposits were already lost, I didn’t want to lose the trip also, so I went just the same. Luckily enough, my cousin joined with a close friend who lives there and we made a great time out of an emotional hardship. Because though, calling off the wedding was my doing, it didn’t change the grief, disappointment and doubt one feels. Regardless of what side you’re on, the one that broke or got broke with, both are still broken.
And it got me thinking, if it haven’t been broken, today I would have been eight years married with kids. Living the picture perfect life, the one stamped and approved by society. But would I be the same person? Would I be doing what it is I’m doing today? Having created and accomplished all it is that I have for myself? Or would I be living a completely different life? And if so, how would that look?
I ask these questions, not because I would change anything, but because I’m curious to know if we are innately destine to be who it is we are, regardless of circumstance, regardless of free will. Will we ultimately become who it is we are meant to regardless of the path we choose? And if so, how would the paths differ? Would it be longer or shorter? More turbulent or less? Or does our free will alter who it is we are? Who it is we become?
As I can’t imagine, not being who it is I am. And I wouldn’t want to have not accomplished and created with it is I have for myself. It’s terrifying to think that had I followed through, I wouldn’t be me, where it is I am today. As crazy as it sounds, in the sense that I have made many mistakes and endured any failures, I wouldn’t change any of it. And to think life wouldn't be what it currently is -tragic.
Yet I can’t help but wonder, how our choices determine our potential? Or if they influence it at all?
